• Monika Anna

Shinning light in the darkness

“In order to be created a work of art must first make use of the dark forces of the soul” – Albert Camus There are times, like this past week, when things are tough. Life felt heavy for me, every day was grey and my chest felt constricted like I was carrying a lot. I felt a strong need to be alone, did not want to reach out to friends and asked my Hubby for space as well. I needed time for myself, to sit with my cup of tea and cry if I want to.

I was not melodramatic and it was not my intention to indulge in self-pity. I was mindful that my mind and my body were dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions this year, and it felt like I needed time to acknowledge all the pain and heartbreak of the past few months.

I needed to sit down with all those negative emotions in order to release myself from the power they had over me.

Sometimes when we run from our fears and anxieties we exhaust ourselves, and we have this overwhelming feeling that our demons are stronger than we are. They are part of us, but not the biggest part. We also have the light of joy and hope within us. It’s the running away that drains our energy.

Our inner demons can be our best teacher. It might not seems like it at first, but they too are there to protect us, it’s just sometimes that protection gets distorted.

Our demons block so much of our energy and the only way to release that is to understand why is it trapped. Don’t ask your demons what they want. It will probably scare you. Wanting is superficial. We want this designer bag today, and tomorrow trends and our mind change. Ask your demons what they need and they will tell you a different story. With compassion and understanding we can turn this energy into something constructive (like this blog post) and then one small step at a time, we can make a little crack, through which light shines.

When in a dark room, on a meditation cushion we can choose to face our deepest fear and shine the light where previously was only darkness, we see corners of our soul that we’ve never seen before. We cannot be whole if we try to escape from part of ourselves. We need to acknowledge anger, guilt, jealousy and pain. They are part of us as much as love, joy, hope and wonder.

Today I’m exhausted after a week of strong negative emotions. Tomorrow a new week begins and with it a new day, new hope and new chances to follow my bliss.

Today I will face my demons yet again, to learn from them how to use their strength constructively.

Today I’ll be grateful for the darkness, because only then we can see the light of the Lighthouse showing us a way to a save heaven.

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